January 2, 2017 was the day that I became an adult. Six months ago, I moved from Maryland to California just two weeks after graduating from VCU where I spent the last three and a half years fake adulting. My last semester of college, you couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t grindin’. I had four jobs and was taking 18 credits, I really thought that life was tough- and it was at that stage, however I was surrounded by love and support from my very close by family and friends and at least I was comfortable.
For the last year, I had tossed around the idea of moving to Los Angeles. I spoke this move into existence because I talked about LA everyday several times a day to anybody who would listen to my dream. I knew that I wanted to work in the entertainment industry, and deciding where wasn’t that hard for me. New York, the more reasonable of my options was too fast paced and I wasn’t down with living in a shoe box. Atlanta was too played out and hot as shit, no thanks. I even considered Chicago, and I realized I can leave Chiraq right where it is. Los Angeles had a ring to it, an essence of glamour, opportunity and palm trees what else does a girl need? My mind was made up and so I needed a plan to make it happen. I started making plays but my worst nightmare was proving to come true, finding a job in my field after college seemed fuckin impossible. Late into the semester, I had a ‘oh fuck’ moment. Burnt out, I grew helpless on the inside, but on the outside it was no big deal that I wasn’t moving to LA nor that I didn’t have a job. Girl, go home to your momma’s house and live rent free for awhile, get your mind right and get a plan. That’s just it, God had a plan for me that didn’t include home because a week after graduation I was offered a full time position at an advertising agency in none other than Los Angeles…..Ohhhhhhhh fuck was right, you mean to tell me I get to move across the country, by myself, wheeeeet? Let’s just say I was on the next thing smoking out here, in just two weeks I planned my entire move across the country. Though things were working out in my favor, God has shown me a thing or two in this last six months.
Barely into my new caucasian life, just hours after landing in LA I realized I had broken my mother’s heart. This broke down into a multitude of quazi lessons. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why my mother wasn’t THRILLED that I had gotten this job and so it made me run from her and block her from certain aspects of my life because I knew I didn’t have ‘it all’ together and I didn’t want it to be a ‘I told you so’ moment. My mom was scared for me some 3,000 miles away, I was scared too but I couldn’t show it. I plastered a smile on my face to hide that internally I was losing my shit. I wanted to move to LA, but I didn’t think it would really happen. Low and behold I moved with my 2 suitcases and I started my little life in LA sure that I’d be fine.
One thing about me is that I don’t think things through all the time and I definitely don’t listen to anybody besides myself, but that’s what makes me special because I figure it out along the way, isn’t that what everybody’s doing? I couldn’t grasp that my mom wouldn’t be there to save me from my own mistakes. I couldn’t grasp that I had no one to turn to in an emergency. Everything from a nigga putting their hands on me to my first car crash to combating the not so nice workplace happened in this first 6 months and I didn’t have the comfort of my mom to shield me as she’s always done. This is such an important part of the makings of my story because I didn’t want for nothing as a child. I’m not ashamed to say that I grew up happy and well kept because my mother busted her ass to make sure that I felt loved in a sound environment and I am so thankful that God blessed me with the best mother in the world, she’s the rock and glue to our whole family, trust me when I say that none of us would be right without her.
A lot of people take their time after school to move out, start a career and assume full responsibility over themselves. I jumped out the gate at 21 not really thinking girl you can barely keep your account out the negative. My sound life could get shaken up during any moment that I lacked a sense of responsibility. THIS is what my mom was afraid of, but I couldn’t understand this until I saw where I could really be a mess if I wasn’t focused. I’m still learning, but I know I like when my bills are paid, its food to eat, gas in my car so I work hard to make sure that my essentials are met and then I play. While I’m learning what life really consists of, my mom had to learn that I am an extension of her so she needs to trust that all those qualities that she instilled in me all these years would serve me especially well starting January 2, 2017.
Let’s stick a needle there for now, through my relationship with my mom including analyzing her, not just watching but analyzing, I learned how much might I have engrained in my soul.
You will not cave under the pressure of life because you are a fighter. FIGHT for your dreams and FIGHT to win because none of this will be handed to you. You can be the successful self that you dream of, but you have to take control of your life and not let life control you. It’s so easy to fall when you’re overwhelmed and just do nothing- but nothing won’t get you here. I know you’re tired, scared and defeated but you are also brilliant, powerful and destined for greatness.
Although you’re tired, all these long days will pay off and you will reap the success that you’ve cried for. The life you see is yours so KEEP PUSHING. In the midst of your busy schedule, make time everyday to work on your dreams. Write your goals out and look at them, think about them constantly and your mind will have no choice but to work towards those goals. Your family might not understand everything that you’re doing, hell you might not either, but as long as you walk with a purpose you will make them proud. Nothing is a failure, trust in this process and learn from your mistakes as your mistakes are the stepping stones for your successes. Praise the Lord because he will bring you to every single thing that you need to make great choices and decisions but it’s up to YOU to use the tools provided and make something of it. I did say nothing’s going to be handed to you right? All of this goes to say apply for that job, go take a look at the new apartment, you will pass that exam, write the book, exercise and lose the weight, love yourself so a man can serenade you with his, move across the country. You haven’t come this far in life to be scared.
Man up cause you got this. But it’s also okay to drop a thug tear too. Let’s chat again soon.